Showing posts with label luck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label luck. Show all posts

MFA Applications Will Kill Your Soul (But Don't Let That Stop You)


SO
, for months now I've been meaning to post a list of things I learned from the MFA application process. But I just didn't have the strength. Now that I'm safely far, far away from that soul-crushing process, I think I'm ready to give it a go.

Here's the knowledge-like substance I gleaned from the whole torrid affair.

1) MFA APPLICATIONS WILL KILL YOUR SOUL. But pleeeease don't let that stop you. It doesn't feel like it now, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Or insert uplifting cliche of your choice here.

I applied during the last semester of my undergrad. (I graduated December 2008.) I was trying to finish my senior thesis and get through papers & midterms & finals, and at the same time I was revamping my application list again and again, studying for the GRE, taking the GRE, ordering transcripts, writing endless SOP drafts, trying to figure out how to apply to each school (why why WHY can't this process be more streamlined/standardized?), trying to get my writing sample in order, etc. etc. etc.

That was the longest semester of my life. I'd tried to prepare over the previous summer, but by the time I actually sent in my last application, my list of schools was completely different, so all my summer work ended up being kind of irrelevant. Actually, strike that. It would've been a lot harder without the thinking head start, even if I did most of the grunt work during the semester.

Waiting sucks. Rejection sucks. Not knowing sucks. Knowing sucks. Spending 24 hours a day glued to the MFA Blog, TSE and P&W until you forget what the sun looks like sucks. Second-guessing your writing sample/SOP/application list/reasons for living sucks. The whole process really, really sucks.

In the end, it was all worth it. I got into a kickass program with the funding I couldn't live without, and I am so. freaking. grateful.

If I hadn't gotten in, I would've applied again. I was thinking Teach for America for my Plan B.

SO, anyway, I know it's awful. But you're gonna make it. Or maybe you already have. High five!

2) YOU'RE THE DECIDER. Tom Kealey's MFA Handbook is invaluable. Buy it, read it, heed its advice---up to a point. In the end, the only person who really knows which schools should be on your list is you. (Wait, actually I think that advice is in the Handbook, too.) TSE and the P&W boards can be really helpful, too. But there is no magic list. There is no MFA Monarch who can tell you exactly how to get in at your dream school.

3) THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SAFETY SCHOOL. There just isn't.

I applied to 9 schools. I got into Minnesota and waitlisted (as in, bottom-of-the-list-don't-hold-your-breath-listed) at Cornell. I got rejected outright by 7 schools, including Rutgers-Newark & UMass Boston & Florida, where the stats and the hype and my professors made me think I had some kind of a shot in hell. I also got rejected by Michigan & Syracuse & UMass Amherst & UT Austin/Michener, where the stats & the hype made me think I'd have just as much luck balling up my application and flushing it down the proverbial toilet. But I felt the same way about Minnesota, and somehow that happened for me.

I guess my point is: Apply where you actually want to go to school, where you can actually get funding, and don't worry so much about the stats & the hype. Just do your best and then sit back and see what happens.

At some point I told one of my letter-writers that I was worried because I felt like my list was too pie-in-the-sky, and that's basically what he told me. I think it's really good advice, and I'm glad I followed it. I didn't apply anywhere I wouldn't have been really happy to end up.

This application thing is so not a science. Follow your heart (and the funding!)

You can see my final rundown here: All Results Are In.

4) SCHOOLS WILL FIND YOUR BLOG. They will find it, they will read it, and wondering if it's having any effect on their decisions will drive you crazy. I was totally convinced that schools would never look for, let alone find my blog. But then I started seeing views from urls at schools I'd applied to---I knew because of StatCounter---ON or close to the days those schools sent out decisions. And then the administrative coordinator at Minnesota confirmed, when I was on my visit there, that they like to take a look at them. She did say that they do it after making decisions, so it has no effect on that, but who knows if that's true at other schools.

If you're keeping an open journal during admissions season, be somewhat careful. I really, really wasn't careful, and I tortured myself over it later. It might be a good idea not to show all your cards, just in case.

See this post: Off the Record (You're Not Out There, Are You?)

5) FIND EVERY WAY TO SAVE $$$$. This is a crazy expensive process, and in the end, it's kind of like betting. I'm chronically broke, and I hate betting (why risk not having money I already have for extra money I'm pretty sure I won't win?) So I was all over the money-saving jedi moves.

Michigan, UT Austin/Michener and UMass Amherst will waive their application fees if you send in the proper request form, along with documentation of financial need. This was a big help to me.

Cornell's site said they'd waive their fee in extraordinary circumstances, but it sounded like they were less cool with it than the other schools, and it scared me off, so I didn't ask for the waiver there. I probably should have. There are other schools out there, like Brown, that will also waive their fee, but I mostly just know about the ones where I applied. Doing the research really pays off.

If you get a GRE waiver from your undergrad school (knocks the price of the GRE in half!) a copy of that waiver will usually serve as proof of financial need. That's the easiest way. If you didn't or can't get a waiver, a letter from your financial aid office stating that you're a financial need student (very low EFC, received x percentage of need-based aid, etc.) will do the trick.

Ask the financial aid office at your school about GRE waivers, well ahead of time. As with the application fee waivers, you have to have a significant amount of documented financial need to qualify. And don't forget to always fill out that FAFSA!

Oh! And of course, the most important part: do your research about program funding! (!!!) Do see Seth Abramson's article about funding (here), do consult the MFA Handbook, and do make sure that the info you're getting is still current.

6) READ FACULTY BOOKS, AS MANY AS YOU CAN, AS EARLY AS YOU CAN. Funding (including teaching) had to be first, for me. And then came location. I'm ashamed to say I really didn't manage to start reading faculty works until after my application list was set in stone. But if I had it to do again, faculty would tie with location. After reading faculty works, I really feel like maybe I kinda sorta "get," in some tiny way, why I got in at Minnesota. That could just be in my head, and I still believe that the biggest factor was probably plain old luck, but hey. I feel a certain click, and that's a nice feeling.

That doesn't mean that just because you love somebody's work, they're going to like yours. And it doesn't mean that just because somebody likes your work, you're going to get in at their program. But even if you're strapped for time, like I was, and it comes down to just reading the faculty at the programs you've already decided to apply to, reading faculty work could really help if you're lucky enough to have to pick between 2 or more programs.

Here's the reading list I made up, for the schools I applied to: Fiction Faculty Books

7) COMMUNITY HELPS. But it also drives you crazy. But it also helps. But it also drives you crazy.

I was lucky enough to have a best friend, Sacha, who was applying to Creative Writing PhD programs at the same time I was applying to MFA programs. I think I would've gone crazy without her. If you don't have a friend applying to MFAs at the same time you are, try to find one.

That's part of what the blogs & boards are good for. It felt good to get info, to commiserate and celebrate with everyone else who was going through the crazy ups and downs of the admissions season. I feel like I've met some really awesome people and made a lot of great connections.

But sometimes it's just too much. Try to take it easy. I really, really didn't take it easy, and I think I'm just now recovering. (Ha?) Don't let the information overload/radio silence cycle eat your brain or crush your soul. See this post: Freedom from Information

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Well, I think that's about all I can think of, at least for now. I hope somebody out there finds this helpful. You can find links to all the various MFA hotspots at the linkbar up top, and some more stuff at my Minneapolis Links. My linked searches there are MN-specific, but you can always just plug in your own search term once you get there.

For more information/crazytalk/possibly useless advice, check out the labels below, or check out the searchbox in the sidebar. And feel free to comment with questions. I'll try my best to answer, when I have a chance.

And GOOD LUCK! May the MFA force be with you.

Minneapolis


Lind Hall, home of the Creative Writing Program and the English Department

I accepted my offer from Minnesota the night before I flew out for the prospectives' weekend. I just got home---I feel so lucky. It was a dream, except that everything really happened.

U Minnesota: My First, My Last, My Everything?

I'm almost positive I'll be heading to Minnesota in the fall, and I'm incredibly excited about it. I don't want to give the impression that I'm not, and I know that that's probably the impression I've been giving lately---what with all the whine, whine, whine. I feel ungrateful.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: like many others going through this process, I started out feeling like my chances of getting in anywhere at all were slim to none. I stand in awe of the mysterious combination of circumstances (what they were, I have no idea) and the huge amount of luck that led to an acceptance for me.

The only thing keeping me from going ahead and accepting my Minnesota offer right now is the fact that it's in, well, Minnesota.

I'm a little bit scared of the Midwest. The only experience I have with the region is this: When I was almost eleven years old, my family set out in a rinky-dink little used RV, leaving forever my grandparents' house in Watertown, Mass. and heading for the vague and distant "West." On our way, we passed through Kansas. All I remember about Kansas is flatness, a lack of grocery stores (we couldn't seem to find bread) and a strange profusion of car washes. I'm sure there's more to Kansas than that, but that's what I remember. Also, I'm aware that Minnesota does not = Kansas, and that they are in fact quite far apart.

What is Minnesota Nice? Is it real? Just a stereotype? It sounds kind of scary. Wikipedia says:

Minnesota nice is the stereotypical behavior of long-time Minnesota residents to provide hospitality and courtesy to others. The term is also sometimes used in a derogatory way, to connote a sort of smiling stubbornness, forced politeness, false humility or passive aggressive hostility.


Stereotypes of Minnesotans often overlap with qualities of other people from the Upper Midwest, including the perception that many are quiet and do not wish to offend others or cause a disruption, even if it's for their own benefit. Writer Garrison Keillor played with this image in a piece written for the radio program A Prairie Home Companion called "Wobegonics," the supposed language of Minnesotans which includes "no confrontational verbs or statements of strong personal preference, you know." [...] The generosity of state citizens has gained respect—the heavily-reported influenza vaccine shortage of fall 2004 did not strike the state as hard as elsewhere since many people willingly gave up injections for others.[1]


Minnesota Nice is a 2003 28-minute documentary by Jeffrey Schwarz about the Coen brothers' movie Fargo, a movie that displays some of the stereotypical behavior.


Here's another link about the supposed phenomenon in relation to the Twin Cities.

The cold I can probably handle. I know it's the cold equivalent of the heat here in Tucson (eyeballs-frying-hot), but I much prefer being cold to being hot. You can always bundle up, but there's only so much you can do about burning flesh. I dealt with Boston blizzards, even kind of enjoyed them---felt like an adventure. I know MN is going to be much worse, but I think I'll be less miserable than some might be.

In other ways, Minneapolis sounds great, like the "Boston" of the Midwest. If you haven't noticed, I'm in love with Boston. I spent the younger days of my childhood moving around between suburbs of Boston (Watertown, Concord, Belmont, Lexington---and a strange interlude in the boondocks of Clinton.) I have many happy memories of dancing around outside the Au Bon Pan in Harvard Square, listening to the street performers and watching the crazy old men play chess.

Anyway!

Apparently Minneapolis is a big literary and publishing center, has lots of museums, bookstores and all that. People say you can get by without a car, which is VERY important to me, since I don't drive. Some pointed out that it sucks having to get groceries by bus when it's snowing and a billion degrees below zero, but I dealt with some of that in Boston and did fine with just the T.

*

My overactive imagination/raging sense of curiosity is another part of my hesitation. I feel like I should wait until I've heard from everyone. That's the standard process, isn't it? I'm bad with decisions and I feel like I need to have all the information first. When I got the call, my first instinct was to say Yes, yes, I'll be there! I can come tomorrow! But I had to bite down on that urge and try to be sensible about it.

I hate to keep them waiting, though. They've been so good to me. I guess they expect it, right? They know we've all applied to multiple schools and that we're waiting to hear back from the rest. Maybe I should send them chocolates.

The funny thing is, when one of my letter writers asked me (around the time I was sending out my first applications) which school I was really pulling for, the first thing that popped out of my mouth was: Minnesota. I wasn't even sure why, but that was my natural reaction. I said, "Actually, I'm really excited about the program in Minnesota." He seemed a little bit surprised. He wanted Cornell (yeah, right) or Rutgers-Newark for me (because of their diversity focus, which I also find attractive.)

I explained how I really like that Minnesota encourages genre-blending/cross-genre experimentation. This is from their website:

The program encourages experimentation across genres, fostering the discovery of new and varied forms for a developing voice.

I also love that they have social writing programs that focus on young writers (SASE Wings) and women of color (Voices from the Gaps.) I'm so interested in programs like these, and I would love to have the chance to get involved during my MFA.

And the faculty, of course, is amazing. I've been reading their books, and I'm just so excited.

Maybe it's fate. Maybe Minnesota and I are just meant to be together. It must mean something that I felt strangely drawn to the program, and they must see something that they connect with in my writing. That's an incredibly good feeling, knowing that. What more could I possibly ask for?

Anyway, again.

I'm going to the prospectives' weekend, March 26-28. I'm in touch with a couple of other admits who are going, as well, and I can't wait to meet everyone, see the city, explore the program on the ground. Minneapolis, here I come!

*

I'm spending way too much time on this blog. I have homework (writing!) to do, and I go back to work tomorrow. Did I say that my shifts start at 6 am? I need to calm it down, here. But I probably won't.

I Got a Call This Morning!

It was from a job, and I couldn't be happier.

I felt like (warning, this is just hyperbole, the following did not happen) Cornell called me and then I saw Rutgers' number on call waiting.

The funny thing is that I woke up early this morning to get ready to go out and apply to a couple new leads I found yesterday. So now I'm up early, with a whole day to figure out what to do with.

It's a good thing I'm up, though---this shift I'm going to start Monday begins at 7 am. I've been waking up around 1 pm lately. Yikes. It's a working interview at a local market, and the lady sounded really nice. So as long as I can wake up and catch the bus on time, I think I might be golden. No jinxies!*


*Which makes me wonder---where does the word jinx come from?

From Wikipedia:

It may come from Latin iynx, that is, the wryneck bird, which has occasionally been used in magic and divination and is remarkable for its ability to twist its head almost 180 degrees while hissing like a snake. The Jinx bird is found in Africa and Eurasia.

That bird's not kidding around.

From World Wide Words:

It was a famous vaudeville song, written and sung by William Lingard and first published in 1868. Captain Jinks was an unsuccessful soldier, who was eventually drummed out of the Army. The key verse is this:

The first day I went out to drill
The bugle sound made me quite ill,
At the Balance step my hat it fell,
And that wouldn't do for the Army.
The officers they all did shout,
They all cried out, they all did shout,
The officers they all did shout,
“Oh, that's the curse of the Army.”

*

On a less ecstatic note, I totally gouged my right ankle while shaving last night. It's really deep this time. What a klutz, eesh.

Ouch.

*

Okay, enough of that. I have to get out of this house!

Who Am I Kidding...

It stings a bit.

I honestly don't feel hurt about not getting into Michigan, and I won't feel hurt when I get the rejection letter that I'm expecting from Cornell. A little bit jealous, yes, in a harmless way. But I never had high hopes about my chances at those programs, so it's not that much of a blow.

---Also, I was feeling kind of ambivalent about 2 year MFAs, given the current state of the economy. Blech, ptooey on this economy! Also also, I think the prestige of those programs would have put a pressure on me that I was dreading. Like I would have been afraid to just follow my gut, when decision time came around. I'm almost positive that that's not just sour grapes talking.---

A strange little part of me almost feels relief each time another door closes. It makes it less likely that I'll have to make a tough decision, in the end.

But Amherst! Part of me was really thinking I'd make it into Amherst, especially after I got the invite from Minnesota. I'm in love with Minnesota, really and truly. I was really hoping to have an option in the northeast, though. Just so I could weigh things. I have family in Boston and New York. (I really miss living in Boston.)

I know it's not over yet, and no matter what happens I'm incredibly grateful, and I feel incredibly lucky. 3 years, full funding, amazing program, cool city. I honestly feel guilty that I haven't just said yes already, that's how grateful I am to Minnesota.

And I feel guilty for whining when I should just be sitting around all day thanking the stars that I somehow managed to get into one of my top programs. I do spend some of my time doing that. When I started this process, I really had no idea if I would get in anywhere. That's why I applied to nine programs, and I would have applied to more if I'd had the money (or the room on my credit cards.)*

Times like right now, I have to admit that rejection does sting, even though I don't have much of a right to say so.

Okay, slapping myself. Shut up already!



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*By the way, for future applicants:

I'd like to mention that Michigan, UT Austin/Michener and UMass Amherst will waive their application fees if you send in the proper request form, along with documentation of financial need. This was a big help to me.

If you got a GRE waiver from your school (knocked the price of the GRE in half!) a copy of this waiver will usually serve as proof. That's the easiest way. If you didn't get a waiver, a letter from your financial aid office stating that you're a financial need student (very low EFC, received x percentage of need-based aid, etc.) will do the trick.

Ask the financial aid office at your school about GRE waivers, well ahead of time. As with the application fee waivers, you have to have a significant amount of documented financial need to qualify. And don't forget to always fill out that FAFSA!