Who Am I Kidding...

It stings a bit.

I honestly don't feel hurt about not getting into Michigan, and I won't feel hurt when I get the rejection letter that I'm expecting from Cornell. A little bit jealous, yes, in a harmless way. But I never had high hopes about my chances at those programs, so it's not that much of a blow.

---Also, I was feeling kind of ambivalent about 2 year MFAs, given the current state of the economy. Blech, ptooey on this economy! Also also, I think the prestige of those programs would have put a pressure on me that I was dreading. Like I would have been afraid to just follow my gut, when decision time came around. I'm almost positive that that's not just sour grapes talking.---

A strange little part of me almost feels relief each time another door closes. It makes it less likely that I'll have to make a tough decision, in the end.

But Amherst! Part of me was really thinking I'd make it into Amherst, especially after I got the invite from Minnesota. I'm in love with Minnesota, really and truly. I was really hoping to have an option in the northeast, though. Just so I could weigh things. I have family in Boston and New York. (I really miss living in Boston.)

I know it's not over yet, and no matter what happens I'm incredibly grateful, and I feel incredibly lucky. 3 years, full funding, amazing program, cool city. I honestly feel guilty that I haven't just said yes already, that's how grateful I am to Minnesota.

And I feel guilty for whining when I should just be sitting around all day thanking the stars that I somehow managed to get into one of my top programs. I do spend some of my time doing that. When I started this process, I really had no idea if I would get in anywhere. That's why I applied to nine programs, and I would have applied to more if I'd had the money (or the room on my credit cards.)*

Times like right now, I have to admit that rejection does sting, even though I don't have much of a right to say so.

Okay, slapping myself. Shut up already!

*

*By the way, for future applicants:

I'd like to mention that Michigan, UT Austin/Michener and UMass Amherst will waive their application fees if you send in the proper request form, along with documentation of financial need. This was a big help to me.

If you got a GRE waiver from your school (knocked the price of the GRE in half!) a copy of this waiver will usually serve as proof. That's the easiest way. If you didn't get a waiver, a letter from your financial aid office stating that you're a financial need student (very low EFC, received x percentage of need-based aid, etc.) will do the trick.

Ask the financial aid office at your school about GRE waivers, well ahead of time. As with the application fee waivers, you have to have a significant amount of documented financial need to qualify. And don't forget to always fill out that FAFSA!