Rejected 2: The Really Crappy Sequel

I just got my UMass Amherst rejection in the mail, finally. I knew it was coming, but some crazy part of me was hoping I might be on a secret waitlist.

I have to admit that this one hurts a little, maybe a lot---even though I know I'm really lucky to have an acceptance to an incredible program at this point. I've been preparing myself for this (see below), but I'm still kind of on the verge of tears.

Part of me SO wants to be back east, and my uncle went to college in Amherst and has been talking it up ever since I told him I wanted to go to grad school. He thinks I'm going to get in everywhere, as do most of the rest of my family---funny how people just can't seem to understand the way that MFA programs make their decisions.

I keep trying to explain to them that it's not about my grades or GREs or even my SOP. Sample, sample, sample. I'm grateful that my family understands why I want to go to grad school, and that most are even supportive of me pursuing an MFA. (Crazy art school degree...I do get the "What are you going to do with that?" spiel from the extended family I'm not so close with.)

But they think that because I was successful in undergrad, I'm automatically going to get into all these programs and have my pick, with multiple funding offers served to me on a platter. When I told my mom about my first assumed rejection (now a reality), she was way more upset than I was. "I just don't understand why they don't want you!"

Oh, Mama. You don't get it.

Anyway, please forgive me for whining when I don't really have the right. Feel free to mentally slap me. Now I'm waiting for my Michigan rejection---that one won't feel nearly as bad.

I need to get over myself. Down, ego, down!

Good luck to everyone, as always, and continuing congratulations and condolences as this maddening process goes on.

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PS---I was a little bit miffed to see that the letter came from the graduate admissions office, not the department itself. Feels like they didn't even want to waste their letterhead on me. Sigh.

No Blog

Got job. Dead tired.

Who Am I Kidding...

It stings a bit.

I honestly don't feel hurt about not getting into Michigan, and I won't feel hurt when I get the rejection letter that I'm expecting from Cornell. A little bit jealous, yes, in a harmless way. But I never had high hopes about my chances at those programs, so it's not that much of a blow.

---Also, I was feeling kind of ambivalent about 2 year MFAs, given the current state of the economy. Blech, ptooey on this economy! Also also, I think the prestige of those programs would have put a pressure on me that I was dreading. Like I would have been afraid to just follow my gut, when decision time came around. I'm almost positive that that's not just sour grapes talking.---

A strange little part of me almost feels relief each time another door closes. It makes it less likely that I'll have to make a tough decision, in the end.

But Amherst! Part of me was really thinking I'd make it into Amherst, especially after I got the invite from Minnesota. I'm in love with Minnesota, really and truly. I was really hoping to have an option in the northeast, though. Just so I could weigh things. I have family in Boston and New York. (I really miss living in Boston.)

I know it's not over yet, and no matter what happens I'm incredibly grateful, and I feel incredibly lucky. 3 years, full funding, amazing program, cool city. I honestly feel guilty that I haven't just said yes already, that's how grateful I am to Minnesota.

And I feel guilty for whining when I should just be sitting around all day thanking the stars that I somehow managed to get into one of my top programs. I do spend some of my time doing that. When I started this process, I really had no idea if I would get in anywhere. That's why I applied to nine programs, and I would have applied to more if I'd had the money (or the room on my credit cards.)*

Times like right now, I have to admit that rejection does sting, even though I don't have much of a right to say so.

Okay, slapping myself. Shut up already!

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*By the way, for future applicants:

I'd like to mention that Michigan, UT Austin/Michener and UMass Amherst will waive their application fees if you send in the proper request form, along with documentation of financial need. This was a big help to me.

If you got a GRE waiver from your school (knocked the price of the GRE in half!) a copy of this waiver will usually serve as proof. That's the easiest way. If you didn't get a waiver, a letter from your financial aid office stating that you're a financial need student (very low EFC, received x percentage of need-based aid, etc.) will do the trick.

Ask the financial aid office at your school about GRE waivers, well ahead of time. As with the application fee waivers, you have to have a significant amount of documented financial need to qualify. And don't forget to always fill out that FAFSA!

Gimme Information / Please Let Me Wait Your Tables, Please

Both UMass Amherst and U Florida notified poetry people today (well, at least one poet each). Cornell notified at least one fiction writer on Friday.

It's pretty exciting. Maybe this means the big rush is coming soon soon soon? Every morning (well, afternoon) I wake up thinking This is going to be the day. Everyone is going to notify everyone today. I'm always wrong. It's so disappointing to find my mailbox full of magazines and tax forms and my inbox full of junk. Maybe there is no big rush. Maybe it's just going to be this grating little trickle, forever and ever. I'm so impatient, ugh.

Meanwhile, I'm still anxiously waiting for my official letter from Minnesota. (Their website says their notification letters will go out in February. So I'm thinking we'll start hearing about more notifications any minute now.) They're having a prospectives weekend in late March, and I really want the info about that.

Meanwhile meanwhile, I'm sooooo BROKE. I'm running out of room on my credit cards---funny how it doesn't sound so bad when I put it that way. Like I'm just storing stuff on them, instead of burying myself in debt. Lucky for me, I really like ramen. Creamy chicken with a few dashes of a chili flavor packet thrown in. Yum.

I still can't find a job. I've actually thought about standing around downtown with a sandwich board announcing my resume, like that guy in New York did. Maybe I should just have a t-shirt made.

I've begun scouring the internet for telecommuting jobs. I always thought of those as kind of fake, but some of them have to be real (?) I found something called Amazon Mechanical Turk, "Artificial Artifical Intelligence." Apparently it's supposed to allow companies to pay people to do weird little online tasks that "people do better than computers." I looked it up on Wikipedia, and apparently some people have likened it to a "digital sweatshop" of sorts.

Kind of bizarre, kind of sad, kind of insulting? Yes. Will I try it? Yes!

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Update: It's mostly a bunch of crap. Now I'm sorting through ratracerebellion.com, which a kind fellow applicant over at the MFA Blog pointed out.