When You Put It That Way

I'm talking to my sister on the phone---"You must be so lonely," she says.

Freedom from Information

The forums/blogs/post-subscriptions are driving me into the ground. My obsession with wringing every drop of information from the internet every day is truly starting to affect my quality of life.

I was finished with work today by noon. I ate lunch, walked to the library to return a book, talked to my sister on the phone, and was home by 2 pm. A nice way to start the free portion of my Wednesday.

When I got home, as usual, I went straight to the computer (after saying hi to my furry roommates, Treble the dog and Boots the cat.) I checked the blogs, checked the forums, read through all the posts that I missed while I was at work.

I talked to S. on the phone, I made a call to the Dept. of Education (stupid financial aid/student loan mix-up I'm trying to get fixed.)

Talking to S. was good---and she sent me the most wonderful postcard, a 1953 portrait of Jack Kerouac taken by Allen Ginsberg. She wanted to make sure my mailbox didn't stay empty! I got it today. If it wasn't for her, there would have been nothing in there but my next Six Feet Under DVD.

Then I checked the blogs, checked the forums, read through all the new posts coming in. Checked the blogs, checked the forums, read through...

Suddenly it was 7 pm.

I meant to take a long bath and read, I meant to work on the story I'm writing for workshop, I meant to finally do some Arabic, I meant to get through some administrative-type chores I have to do, I meant to call my grandparents. Instead, I sacrificed my brain and my time to the false idol of internet chatter, again. I mean, I hardly ever get around to reading the news, since all of this started.

This is no way to live. This little addiction of mine is out of control, and it's become progressively worse lately.

So, I'm totally grounded. I hereby solemnly swear that as of now I will NOT look at P & W, I will NOT open the email account where I have all my post-subscriptions delivered, I will NOT visit the MFA Blog or TSE or the GradCafe. If I can get through this and be good, maybe I'll allow myself to check back (during a limited window of time) a week from now. Or, maybe I'll be past the sweats and shakes by then, and won't want to go back.

Either way, I'm reclaiming my life outside of the computer. First, right now, I'm closing all the bad tabs open in my browser, signing out of gmail, and I'm eating a popsicle. Tomorrow I'm going to come home from work, eat lunch and write.

And not in this blog. Really write.

The Tucson Festival of Books is this weekend, 3/14-3/15, and I'm going. I'm really excited. The UA Poetry Center has a list of their events. I want to go to Alison Hawthorne Deming's reading for sure, and I'm also really interested in a talk called "Fiction out of Friction: Evolution, Arabs and Other Controversial Topics," with Robin Brande and Laila Halaby. And a lot more, too much to go into now. I'm falling asleep at the keyboard.


It's almost my bedtime. Goodnight, world.

*

PS--On a related note, Denis Johnson is reading at the Poetry Center on April 9th.

PPS---Why was there no new Lost tonight?

PPPS--Someone recalled the library copy of Burning Down the House I was reading. That's the book I had to return. I've been wanting to buy it, so now I will. It'll be better to be able to mark it all up, anyway.

MFA Call Preparedness 101

So I made a crazy list of all the area codes from the programs I've applied to. When my first acceptance call came in, 10:30 am, I was sleeping. At first I just let it ring, but instead of leaving a message, whoever it was just called right back. So I'm thinking, Ugh, fine! I'll pick it up.

I didn't recognize the area code. Usually that means it's a telemarketer, telling me it's time to "renew" my car's factory warranty. I don't have a car---I don't even drive. So I probably sounded angry when I picked up and said hello.

When the voice on the phone said "This is #(%&^% from the University of Minnesota,"* I thought she was just going to tell me that they were missing some of my transcripts or something. When she went on to say something like "We'd be glad to have you," I almost hung up on her, I was so freaked out.

I sat up straight in bed. I was terrified. I was so worried that I was going to come across like a neanderthal on crack---I was sure that my sleepy voice couldn't be mixing well with the vast amounts of adrenaline now pumping my brain into a frenzy. I think I said "I can't believe it, I can't believe it" and "Thank you so much, thank you so much," and not much else. After saying some things I could hardly comprehend---my brain just kept replaying the part where she told me I got in---she asked if I had questions, and all I could think to say was "Um, I have to take this all in."

Thankfully, she emailed me a few days later to let me know that they'd be mailing me the official stuff. I emailed her back, asking for current student email addresses, and I think I managed to come across as a normal person.

The point being, if I'd had my list of area codes then, I might not have sputtered quite so much.

Actually, I'm sure it would have gone much the same way, but this little project kept my mind off of things for about ten minutes-ish.

Here are my area codes:

Rutgers-Newark (973)
U Florida (352)
U Minnesota (612)
U Michigan (734)
UMass Boston (617)
UMass Amherst (413)
Syracuse U (315)
UT/Michener (512)
Cornell (607)

PS---* I now know it was Julie Schumacher, and at the time I thought I heard her say Julie, but I wasn't sure. I was out of it. I'm almost finished with her story collection, An Explanation for Chaos, and I'm really loving it, especially "Dummies."

PPS---It turns out that she called right back because she couldn't understand the message on my voicemail. Stupid me, I didn't think to change it to a more professional (intelligible) message after I submitted my applications. Embarrassing! I've changed it now.

PPPS---I'm trying not to talk too much about Minnesota until all of the notifications have gone out. I posted about it early on, and I felt like a complete ass when I realized that all I had succeeded in doing was worrying my fellow applicants. I probably should have kept my mouth shut. Other people were posting, and I was so worked up and happy...But adding to people's stress was the absolute last thing I wanted to do. After all, I know exactly how it feels! The waiting, the anxiety, the hysteria.

When I realized what I'd caused, I basically tried to go incognito. I felt bad for upsetting people, and I felt like maybe the school would be mad at me for posting (some admits to other programs, like Alabama, apparently got mild talkings-to about posting.) I erased my "I'm in!" posts and decided to just quiet down and wait it out. I guess I've decided that that was a little bit silly, a little bit overboard. This process is driving me crazy.

So no more secret identities, but I'm trying not to talk about it too much until the school finishes notifying. Obviously, I'm not doing too very well at the keeping quiet thing, but I hope you'll forgive me. I figure I can celebrate about it on my own blog, at least. I'm excited. And I'm dying to talk about it with other acceptees---hurry up U of M!