Off the Record (You're Not Out There, Are You?)


I've developed the most ridiculous fear that some of the programs I've applied to are finding my blog and actually reading it. This would be a terrible, terrible thing.

"But you're anonymous," you might say. Well, not so much, if you've read my SOP.

How would they find me? I have no idea. (The forums? Google? The tin foil hat I'm wearing?)

Aren't I blowing my relative importance in the MFA world completely out of proportion by worrying that actual faculty are taking the time to scour the internet looking for little old me? Well, yes, I am. That's the only thing that's keeping me from totally losing it about this.

This incredibly self-involved hypothesis is based on stupid, stupid StatCounter. I wish I never installed it. Besides telling me how many people stop by the blog, I just discovered that I can see where they're checking it from. In the past week or two, I've had hits from both Syracuse and U Minnesota.

Of course, I also had hits from Indiana U and Boston U and U Arizona and U Alabama and U Tennessee, and I didn't apply to any of those. The most likely explanation is that these hits are just fellow/future applicants/students looking for MFA info. If so, hi!

But today, on the day when U Florida started notifying for fiction, I see a hit from Gainesville. What?! What?!

So, on the off chance that my paranoid delusions are in fact not delusions (humor me?), I just want to say that some of what I say on this blog is silly, and all of it is off the record, and most of all---please don't judge me based on my babble? Also, hi.

Actually, I'll extend that message to everyone out there in TV-land, not just the imaginary MFA faculty. This process (and waking up at 4 am for my job) is kind of wearing away at my sanity these days. Maybe an open diary was just a bad idea, during decision season.

Too late to turn back now---I believe I believe I believe I'm falling in love? What song is that again? Where am I?

Now back to our regularly scheduled blog, where I'll try to tune the crazy down. Thanks!



They will find your blog
, no matter how anonymous you think you are, and they will read it. And, undoubtedly, they will snicker behind their hands at how silly you are. And even if they don't, you'll always be sure that they did. Just a little warning, there.


Ms. Sushi said...

For the record, your babble is helping to keep me from going totally insane (alone)! Thank you.

found said...

No, thank *you*! At least we'll lose our minds together.

bobbyd1536 said...


"the tin foil hat I'm wearing?... hehe that's classic (i thought i was the only one) :-)

Have a beautiful day...

infinite blessings.

ohbutmeow said...

Maybe they're MFA students at UMinn and they're reading your blog and thinking, oh honey, you really don't want to go really, really don't. I'm biased - I had a shitty MFA experience.

~Karla K.

Writer on Board said...

I promise not to tell.

found said...

Not the only one bobbyd...ha, thanks Writer on Board!

The current U Minn students I've corresponded with have had nothing but wonderful things to say about the program :)

Whitney said...

I'm a little late on this post, obviously, but you make a good point. Not only do the faculty members read YOUR blog, but they read your POSTS on the MFA sites (P&W, TSE, etc.). I visited a school and spoke to one of the faculty members and they knew who I was. Thankfully, I said good things about the program and my experience with them, but I know there are plenty of people out there posting with their real names/identities who are getting noticed.

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